Just around the river bend...

As the pristine silvery water shone
I heard the steady, calming drone,
Adding to the still, untouched beauty of
This unexplored land, this lovely breeze,
All this greenery, the hum of the bees.

I looked up to the blue heavens.
The birds flew in groups of tens,
So sure of the way without a compass.
Though peaceful, this unfamiliar territory
Made me cautious, induced fear in me.

I rowed swift, causing ripples on the serenity,
A color palette stretching as far as I could see.
But is that all, I asked myself, there could be a fall -
A steep one, at that; or there could be a new land,
Far away, uncovered, hidden, newly unveiled and...

My thoughts were cut short, as the boat swirled,
Round and round, dizzily it moved and whirled.
It was a whirlpool - oh, a possibility I hadn't counted.
A magical land I'd had in mind, and some waterfall,
But not this, I hadn't expected this whirlpool at all.

Then came the waterfall I'd thought about, envisioned,
When I wasn't the least ready for it, the least cautioned,
And during the roller-coaster fall, I clung to the boat,
Closing my eyes tight, not knowing what more there'd be,
Not knowing what in my journey I'd face, what I'd see.

I opened my eyes slowly, disappointed, disorientated -
Do only my bad visions come true? My dreams unabated,
Dejected, disheartened, I rowed on, not knowing why I should.
But I did. I held on to the oars, and the currents aided me.
I know it hasn't ended, this long, though uneventful, journey.

Suddenly, before my eyes, appeared the green trees,
Swaying in the gusty wind, the sight of wild geese
Flying away, the grasses tall, a rich green, just rained upon.
The whirlpool and the waterfall were really not the end.
This magical land of my dreams had always been right there,
Just around the river bend.

Reflections

The lake danced, rippled,
Before my eyes.
A pale reflection, crippled,
In a way, struck me
With a force so brutal.
A weak, scentless rose,
With every withering petal,
Scorched with her conscience.
What have you done,
Her conscience screamed.
I wasn't as weak, alone,
I wasn't so sorry, so tired,
Or for so much misery deemed.
I couldn't meet her eyes,
The Lady Conscience,
The once untouched, pure woman.

What have you done?
Her screams echoed
In the dark, silent corridors
Of my thoughts.
Somewhere along the road,
I'd killed her innocence,
Her beauty, her self-esteem,
Her virginity - all now lost.

What have you done?
What have you done to me?
What have you done to the woman
Who never begged, borrowed, stole,
Hurt, killed, tortured or feared?
The woman who played her role
With courage, dignity, emotions myriad?

Was she like this, the dainty beauty, before?
Was she so unhappy, so tormented, and more?
What have you done to the woman
Of strength, of substance, who never cried?
The woman who smiled at all odds,
A woman whose flames never died?

What have you done to the fiery beauty,
The princess, the charismatic goddess?
A woman who'd never accept failure,
A woman who'd never settle for anything less?

What happened to the furious independence,
The pride, the driving force that steered her?
What have you done to the woman so smart?
What have you done to her, Love?

Go away, Love, find your next victim!
Her weaknesses you've used,
Her loving heart you've burned.
You made her think of him,
Now make her un-think!
You've now hurt her, even abused;
The fickle world she has learned!

The lake watched, a mute spectator,
Our silent argument, her loud accusations.
I looked at her, in wordless agony.
How could I pacify, answer, satiate her?
How could I wipe away her pain, tribulations?
How could I, with all the fingers pointing at me?

You, Eros, she said with her eyes burning bright,
You've done this to her, you've killed her spirit.
She is now not alive; merely living her life!
She hadn't known you had such a poisonous bite,
You monster, you heartless creature, accept it!
You made her dream of being someone's wife;
Now she's no longer the loving girl she used to be!

She can't trust anymore; you've broken her heart,
You stole her self-worth, all her undying love!
Now here you are, you uncaring animal,
You've tortured her, part by dying part,
She no longer loves even herself now!
You've done evil things, you evil brute!

I couldn't say a word to refute.
I couldn't speak a syllable to save my skin.
She called me an uncaring animal, an evil brute,
I knew everything was true, deep within.

As her screams died, slowly, gradually,
I walked away from her, my head hung in despair.

Once again, I was accused of playing foul.
But then, I knew I tried my best.
Yet another murdered soul,
Yet another victim struck out from my list.
Yet another case of unrequited love,
Yet another storm of gloom, misery and pain.
Yet another toxic shot from my bow,
Yet another lively soul, now killed, slain.
A quiver full of arrows, all at my disposal.
A couple of misled, careless aims, a couple of broken hearts -
Broken and numb, poisoned forever.

But Not For Me

I watch the little child
Place her tiniest finger
Trustingly, in the mother's hand
And walk by, along with her.

I notice the woman lean,
Sway, imperceptibly, toward
The man walking beside her,
As they walk slowly, forward.

I see the old woman put,
On her son's shoulder, a hand like
A nervy, wrinkled, brown wire,
Racing past me on their bike.

Trust - sheer, immense trust,
Something so elusive, sadly.
I wish - I really wish; But I know -
It's for everyone, but not for me.

But it rained...

Wow, I'm gonna get kissed!
But it's bright, the heat unkind -
Uh-oh, it's not what I want!
Dreams that continually haunt -
A kiss in the rain I had in mind -
Are they gonna get totally missed?

There he is, my handsome hero.
Standing beneath a cloudless sky,
We look at each other, and smile.
Our eyes devour, our hearts soar, while
We move closer, and closer, oh, my!
This is gonna be wonderful, I know!

A sunny kiss I hadn't quite visualized.
But then, a kiss, in itself, is something new.
I'd dreamed of a kiss in the pouring rain,
But it's OK, though the sun is such a pain!
The sky is such an endless, clear blue.
I wanted a downpour, in torrents, maximized!

He pulled me closer, his lips covered mine.
I could think of nothing else, but lovely him.
I'd lost all thoughts of clouds, rain and sun.
Oh, just wait, we'd give the fairy tales a run
For their money! Passion had us both limp,
With wonder, with love, emotions so fine.

Just as I was about to open my eyes,
I felt the first drop of rain on my skin.
Ye gods! It was no dream, he was no dream!
I realized the clouds aren't what they seem.
I smiled into his brown eyes, chocolaty sin.
It wasn't a smile just from the kiss so nice!

High

Way, way up high,
Above the ground,
Behind the clouds,
Life is just to happy,
Love is just too good.

There is no goodbye,
Joy knows no bounds,
Everyone is ever loved;
As far as one can see,
All are ever understood.

Way, way up high,
Far above the ground,
All are high on true love;
Untrue, this fact may be -
But, forever hope, I would;
Just hope, I always would.

Sacrifice

We've picked out a date for us to wed,
We've picked out the perfect king-size bed.
He has chosen the rings for us to wear,
I've chosen the flowers for my hair.
Is it worth the sacrifice,
So we can wake up to each other's face
For every morning, every sunrise?

We've selected the most wonderful church,
After a sincere, elaborate, complete search.
I've taken great pains to choose the perfect gown,
So we're probably the best-looking couple in town.
Is it worth the sacrifice,
Both of us giving up our single status
For a commitment till one of us dies?

Now I'm walking with my father down the aisle,
Feeling the short distance seem like an entire mile.
The groom turns and looks at me - my darling Lyle,
And his face breaks into a radiant, glowing smile.
Oh, it isn't even a sacrifice,
Giving up loneliness, sadness and misery,
For a life full of joy and love for him and me.

Vertigo

A black pool of nothingness,
Complete, boundless darkness.
The whirlpool swirls swiftly,
And sucks me in, deeply, slowly,
Tormenting me, frightening me.

I let out a cry of unadulterated fear,
But the sound doesn't reach anyone's ear.
I scream until my throat becomes sore,
But I know this isn't the end - there's more,
More of this torture, more of pain and gore.

Precariously shifting, dangerously swaying -
Just where is the ground beneath my feet going?
I search frantically for some hope, some light.
I panic, thinking of my situation, my scary plight.
I'm falling, I'm falling into the pitch black night.

As I slip away through the bottomless tunnel,
My confused and scattered thoughts I try to channel.
No hope anywhere - no one to hold me close,
Protect me from this torment, share my woes.
I may be lost forever in this black hole, there's nothing to lose!

My head is reeling, rapidly picking up pace.
With trembling hands, I try to cover my face.
Faster, faster, the world seems to shrink around me.
Where is sunlight? The sun is no longer to be seen!
Why am I the one to suffer? What could this be?

Consciousness comes flooding back, gushing into my head,
Bringing a physical ache so intense, I'm almost dead;
Bringing the memories of real life, reality, all afresh and anew;
I wince ever so slightly, for my worldly worries aren't few.
It's not just black surrounding me anymore, there are other hues!

I blink once, I blink twice. My vision gradually clears.
I wash my face with cold water, washing away my fears
Of death, of life, of everything fearful. A few helping hands
Have just steadied me. I'm back, from the nightmare-lands,
After rushing in and out through the black desert's sands

The Struggle Within

I was moving so slowly,
So weak. Afraid of getting lost,
Afraid of dying. I made my way
Through life, just eating most
Of whatever came before me.

I wondered at the purpose
Of the birth and life of my ugly self,
Walking on a million legs, slowly.
Oh, why wasn't I the dolphin which delved
Into the ocean or the bird which cooed away?

When I saw all the holes I had made
On all the leaves, I thought desolately
I was just of no use. I'd shrunk into myself
In hopelessness and dismay, deliberately.
I was dying slowly within, wishing I wasn't me.

I cocooned myself in my misery,
Erecting a silky, but strong barrier
Between me and the world. I cried
In the dark, never having left sorrier
For being a useless, silly little worm.

I struggled inside my cozy cocoon;
Changes aren't always for the best,
And changes frightened me too much.
I couldn't think that everything was just a test
To my patience, hope and all other virtues.

The cocoon protected me from the world,
But it proved not useful against my inhibitions.
I put myself down, I wished I could die.
My life seemed to be a poor image, with distortions,
Many and varied. I blamed and pitied myself.

Too suddenly, the biggest change happened.
I was forced to lose my only protection, the cocoon.
I shut my eyes tight, fearing the world's scorn,
Afraid of facing the dangerous world so, so soon.
I was going to fall, deep down and disappear...

But I didn't. I opened my eyes, slowly, softly,
Scared to wish, afraid of hoping, believing.
I was flying! This must be just another dream!
I could fly, free, unafraid - oh, what a feeling!
I'd never felt that way before, never in my life.

I'm lonely no more! I'm ugly no more,
I'm not unwanted, unloved, unimportant -
Not ever. I could kiss the beautiful flowers,
I could hug the sky. I have all I could want!
I could even caress the people, and kiss the sun!

I have wished I was born as the dolphin.
But a dolphin couldn't fly, or hide behind the clouds!
I have wished I was created as a bird.
But birds couldn't sit on a flower daintily, or be proud
Of wings that were like God's own color palette!

I wonder at the purpose of my life no more.
All the misery, and the endless struggles within,
All the welling unhappiness - they seem meaningless
No more. All my sorrow, all the pain I'd been in
Had been only to make me the butterfly I'm today.

The Sweetest Things

I saw the beautiful blue dress
In soft, silky, lovely georgette.
You wouldn't even begin to guess -
This isn't what I want from you.

Remember those beautiful days
When you pulled at my pigtails,
Laughed at me, made little faces
At me, and cried when I cried?

Remember the days when you
Stood up to Mom for my sake?
Remember those days when the two
Of us were like two peas in a pod?

Remember the days when you
Showed me off as you cute little sister?
Almost got into a broil with some guy who
Hit on me, and protected me from all harm?

Do you remember how we both
Stuck together through all odds?
Remember how much you loathed
My school excursions separating us?

I do not want the blue georgette dress.
I do not want your money, or your material gifts.
Though I accept them with a smile, I confess
They are not what I want from you.

I only want you, my loving brother,
I want to be close to you, your friend
Again, your "little sister". Just don't bother,
If you can't give me all these sweetest things.

The Black Knight

The black knight rides fast
On a shining black stallion,
His black cape flashing, dark,
His cloak sprinkled with diamonds.

He looks into the maiden's face,
So fair. His diamonds are for her,
Her best friends. He fights the demons
Of her dreams - her valiant protector.

When all the world is tired, asleep,
The knight stays awake, his dark eyes
Alert, watching. He's with her, for her,
Loving her, holding her, till sunrise.

Morning is nigh, the night draws
To a close. Before the sun lights,
The moon maiden elopes, with her love,
The brave, black knight of the night

Surprise

A surprise -
At sunrise,
We rise.
Orange sky;
Birds fly;
We sigh.
Roaring sea,
Foaming, free -
Gleeful we.
Nature's kiss,
Pure bliss.
We miss
Timeless moments,
Priceless incidents,
The monuments
We made.
Worries fade -
Memories cascade.
Nature's prize,
Beautiful surprise -
Hopes rise.
New days,
New rays -
Joy stays.
The gift -
Surprising lift
Of spirits.

The Woman In Green

I first saw her, when I noticed
My lover smile at someone new.
She was clothed in deep green,
Her eyes dancing with a brilliant sheen.

She had dark, deep green eyes.
They crinkled up at the corners,
Driving many a sane man crazy.
And now, her sole target was me.

I wondered what my lover had
To tell the man smiling at her.
She was even dancing with him.
My face became set, hard, grim.

The woman in green laughed -
A delightful, tinkling sound.
Her eyes shone, capturing me
Now, she was the only one I could see.

I offered to dance with the lady.
She came to my arms without
Much ado. Her soft hands touched
Invitingly - it was just too much!

My eyes darted to my lover.
She was looking up adoringly
At the man. I gritted my teeth -
Miss Green must have seen me seethe.

Her hands curved behind my back,
Molding my muscles, my flesh.
She was lush, soft like a ripe peach.
Many a lesson in love she could teach!

My lover looked at me and smiled.
I pretended I hadn't noticed her.
This woman was getting under my skin,
She was raining little kisses on my jaw, my chin.

My lover was completely ignored.
Of course, I was quite angry with her.
Thanks to the allure of the woman in green,
I was behaving like a boy in his teens!

My eyes could not leave her face.
Her green, green eyes, or her red lips.
She smiled enchantingly, batted her lashes.
She was all over me like an allergy or rashes!

And suddenly, it struck me, the plain truth -
Why the mad, crazy anger covering my eyes.
The woman in green had gotten to me,
Her hand was on my heart, where it shouldn't be.

I pushed her away, like she was the plague.
She reared up, her face severely distorted
In fierce anger. How did I find her beautiful?
How did I feel the attractive, magnetic pull?

I walked, purposefully, to my lover.
I took her in my arms, hugged her close.
My lover whispered fervently that she loved me.
I looked around, Green was nowhere to be seen!

The Woman In Me

My male friends could only see
The total tomboy that was me.
But who would see the woman within?
She, who was wondering what could've been
Had she been bestowed with more femininity.

And then suddenly he appeared,
And unexpectedly, I feared
Losing my heart to someone who
Might not find me woman enough too.
And suddenly, I knew, a change had neared.

He allayed my fears, laid them to rest.
He held me so close to his broad chest,
As he whispered sweet nothings, and laughed
His rumbling laugh, or so casually scoffed
When I said I wasn't a woman at my best.

Now I know why I was just another boy,
Why I didn't shyly smile, or just act coy,
Among my little group of friends, mostly males,
To whom I wasn't a woman from the fairy tales.
I was just another guy, whom they could tease and annoy.

But to him, I was something else, a woman.
Alien to me, were all such ideas under the sun!
I'd never known the importance I've had for so long.
He gave me something I still hold close, a beautiful song.
A heart-wrenching melody, a song I've never sung.

He has awakened the woman that I should be.
He stood strong and unleashed, unflinchingly,
The power that I'd never known I'd possessed.
He just smiled when I said, I never could've guessed,
There was such a strong, beautiful woman in me.

The Master Of Disguise

A tiny hand sneaked up, and slowly
Picked out two cookies from the box.
He ate them with relish, and narrowly
Missed getting caught. Mommy asked -
"Johnny, have you taken a cookie or two?"
Johnny shook his head, a little too quickly.
"Oh, little boy, now, you aren't lying, are you?"
Mommy groaned. He looked up at her sweetly.
"Mommy, I'm hungry, may I take a cookie?"
He asked, innocently. Mommy smiled.
"That's a good boy. Don't ever lie to me,"
She said. He took a little cookie and said,
Solemnly, "I'll never lie, Mommy. I never have."
He watched Mommy put the box in another place.
The Master of Disguise, then, ate just what Mommy gave.
He knew he would come back for more, any way!

Chained

Fettered, handcuffed, inescapably chained;
Hurt, lonely, utterly, irrevocably pained.
A joyful wound, a bittersweet sorrow,
A permanent stamp on all my tomorrows.
It will flow forever in my mind, a perennial river.
I'll remain chained to this sinful burden forever.
I have no more dreams, no more wishes, illusions.
Oh, this isn't just joy or sorrow, but a mind-blowing fusion!

Ripples

My life was easy, safe, sure.
I was confident, strong, secure.
Then you walked in, and everything
Changed; right now, crocodiles sing,
Dragonflies dance, and I just sit and watch.
Even the elusive butterflies are easier to catch!
I wish I could regret it all; I wish I'd known.
You've turned my safe life upside down.
I never know what's going to happen next.
These days, I'm just not sure what's best.
Why do I feel so new, so fresh, so wonderfully alive?
I just don't care for the depth, I just want to dive!
I'm simply not what I once used to and loved to be.
You've disturbed my calm existence, don't you see?
What other evil, sinister plans have you got, now?
It's my life, not yours, for you to run the show!
Just what else have you got in your crafty mind?
When I wake up tomorrow, what else would I find
That would surprise me more, that would make
Me feel different? Sigh, but then, what is a lake
Without its ripples? And just what would I do
Without my elixir, my darling, my soul - you?

I Walk Alone

Without a doubt or a second thought,
The showers of rain embrace me lovingly.
Yellow and red flowers from the trees fall
Softly on me. An innocent, wee little tot
Smiles dazzlingly at me, as he walks past.
I watch each of the faraway birds circling
The skies, till they become a tiny dot
At the horizon. The blazing evening sun
Is a fierce, red ball, setting, oh, so slowly,
As the moon rises, never to be caught.
The dragonflies fly in delightful harmony.
There is a sign of rain in the sweet, warm air,
With a promise of more, I know not what.
The gentle breeze caresses me, whispering
Little secrets into my keenly listening ear.
Blissful silence and solitude prevail. I do not
Have any kind of company; not a friend
In sight to share the joy I'm feeling with.
As I survey all the beauty that can never be bought,
I simply prefer to walk alone - proudly solitary.

Shadows

As I was sitting in front of the welcoming fireplace,
Staring ahead and nursing a cup of hot tea,
It was the time of the dreadfully long day when
Darkness crept in and the shadows lengthened.

Thinking irrelevant thoughts that didn't matter,
Dreaming unrealistic dreams that didn't make sense,
Feeling hurt and pain that meant nothing to everyone
Else, but me, I knew I was painfully, pathetically alone.

As I mindlessly watched the shadows dance
Their exhilarating dance on the walls of my home,
The realization slowly, but clearly dawned on me -
Shadows are surely friendlier than most people I see.

A Candle In The Wind

I light a small, white, scented candle
In the hope she will burn all night.
Then you come by, forcefully charming,
And soon, nothing is quite all right.
Everything is now too hard to handle.

Each time I see the candlelight
Flickering, dimming, my little heart
Forgets to beat. I can see the candle
Trying to not give in, to do her part,
Putting up a steady, brave fight.

You caress my little scented friend.
You laugh at her valiant efforts.
You whistle away merrily, loudly.
I believe she has become a warrior of sorts.
Oh, just how wicked you are, you evil wind!

I have decided firmly now, enough is enough.
I close the window right on your cruel face,
Manners be damned. My brave candle friend
Now smiles; her glow spreads in a thousand rays -
She would never be blown away by just a huff and puff!

Life - II

From the cradle to the grave,
I've carried so many thoughts, sorrows,
Memories, money I've saved,
Money I've stolen or borrowed.
I've borne the cross of my burdens,
My sufferings, my hurt, my pain,
All the crimes, actions without sense,
Mistakes I've committed. A stain,
A black mark, a dirt on my conscience
That could never be bleached or removed,
I hold within myself. Reminiscences,
Dreams, visions, wishes, hatred, love
I've felt before still burn steady and bright,
In the heart of my hearts, all lost secrets.

Now, as I stand upon my own grave,
Watching myself laid in the coffin,
I wonder what I now, with myself, have.
I wonder what kind of a person I've been.
I see people crying, mourning, lamenting
My loss. I wonder how many of them
Truly miss me, truly wish I was living,
Truly believe they've lost a perfect gem.
I wonder whether any of them loved me.
I wonder why I shouldn't have lived on.
As the people turn back and leave, I see
Their tears have dried. Soon, they're all gone.
I realize I don't regret a moment of my short life.
It's time for me to leave, too; I'm now free to go.