From the cradle to the grave,
I've carried so many thoughts, sorrows,
Memories, money I've saved,
Money I've stolen or borrowed.
I've borne the cross of my burdens,
My sufferings, my hurt, my pain,
All the crimes, actions without sense,
Mistakes I've committed. A stain,
A black mark, a dirt on my conscience
That could never be bleached or removed,
I hold within myself. Reminiscences,
Dreams, visions, wishes, hatred, love
I've felt before still burn steady and bright,
In the heart of my hearts, all lost secrets.
Now, as I stand upon my own grave,
Watching myself laid in the coffin,
I wonder what I now, with myself, have.
I wonder what kind of a person I've been.
I see people crying, mourning, lamenting
My loss. I wonder how many of them
Truly miss me, truly wish I was living,
Truly believe they've lost a perfect gem.
I wonder whether any of them loved me.
I wonder why I shouldn't have lived on.
As the people turn back and leave, I see
Their tears have dried. Soon, they're all gone.
I realize I don't regret a moment of my short life.
It's time for me to leave, too; I'm now free to go.
Showing posts with label Special Series. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Special Series. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Life - I
THE IGNORANT PHASE.
Life seems meaningless, many tell me.
Everyone agrees (I used to, too) - before they've seen enough of it.
They don't give themselves time to see,
To look around, to make themselves fit
To comment on life, to call it meaningless.
My friends are still too young and ignorant,
Yet they see life as a headache, a pain, too useless.
A NEW KNOWLEDGE DAWNS.
Why do you see life as an answer? - Now, I can't.
Life isn't an answer I already know
To some irrelevant question put to me.
Life's THE question; irrelevant? Not quite so.
Life's the question, asking me what I want to be.
I still don't know the answer; I'm still wondering.
I think of it everyday, yet I don't know -
What meaning to my life shall I bring?
Shall I die without making sense? I don't think so.
I'm not so bothered about what happened then
Nor about tomorrow or any day after that.
I've stopped bothering about my looks, men,
About what others think about me, this and that.
STILL BETTER.
Halt - I still don't know the answer, the key
To life's puzzle before me, the lock, the closed door.
I've stopped trying to know, trying to see
Past what is going on, let it happen as planned before.
I now realize it is like trying to hurry, trying to peep,
Trying to reach the end of a riveting story,
Before the pages are turned, before the twists become deep,
Before the suspense has mounted, spoiling the read.
Life seems meaningless, many tell me.
Everyone agrees (I used to, too) - before they've seen enough of it.
They don't give themselves time to see,
To look around, to make themselves fit
To comment on life, to call it meaningless.
My friends are still too young and ignorant,
Yet they see life as a headache, a pain, too useless.
A NEW KNOWLEDGE DAWNS.
Why do you see life as an answer? - Now, I can't.
Life isn't an answer I already know
To some irrelevant question put to me.
Life's THE question; irrelevant? Not quite so.
Life's the question, asking me what I want to be.
I still don't know the answer; I'm still wondering.
I think of it everyday, yet I don't know -
What meaning to my life shall I bring?
Shall I die without making sense? I don't think so.
I'm not so bothered about what happened then
Nor about tomorrow or any day after that.
I've stopped bothering about my looks, men,
About what others think about me, this and that.
STILL BETTER.
Halt - I still don't know the answer, the key
To life's puzzle before me, the lock, the closed door.
I've stopped trying to know, trying to see
Past what is going on, let it happen as planned before.
I now realize it is like trying to hurry, trying to peep,
Trying to reach the end of a riveting story,
Before the pages are turned, before the twists become deep,
Before the suspense has mounted, spoiling the read.
Life
Self indulgent lies
words that defies
Encapsulated
Ineffective Isolated
I plead clemency
A never ending odyssey
Life
With many a guise
words that defies
Encapsulated
Ineffective Isolated
I plead clemency
A never ending odyssey
Life
With many a guise
Me
Endless chattering,
But words left unsaid.
Transparent, clear,
But an eternal secret.
Positive, cheery thoughts,
But forever depressed.
Making friends easily,
But grouchy at best.
I'm utterly inconspicuous,
But I stand out from the rest.
Oh, I'm so much like you,
Except for the "but".
But words left unsaid.
Transparent, clear,
But an eternal secret.
Positive, cheery thoughts,
But forever depressed.
Making friends easily,
But grouchy at best.
I'm utterly inconspicuous,
But I stand out from the rest.
Oh, I'm so much like you,
Except for the "but".
Me
Thousands of accusations
quadrapuled confusions
Love hate guilt
Into unresloved mess,
Enmeshed
Am depressed
Embittered dismal
looking for approval
quadrapuled confusions
Love hate guilt
Into unresloved mess,
Enmeshed
Am depressed
Embittered dismal
looking for approval
Lost - II
Men and women appear, all the time.
They laugh, they smile, they chuckle.
They save every nickel, spend every dime.
They kill a butterfly, admire a honeysuckle.
Annoyed by a cat's mewing, they enjoy the church bell's chime.
They party hard, and work harder, till they buckle.
They confess, kneel before the Lord, then commit many a crime.
They are actually angels in disguise, yet alarmingly fickle.
Men and women lose a little everyday.
They sob, they whimper, they cry.
But, ultimately, no one ever manages to stay.
Lost among the graves in the graveyard,
Crimes forgotten, good deeds erased from minds,
Just remembered as they who passed away,
They who watched their lives pass them by,
Having walked through life without knowing the way.
They laugh, they smile, they chuckle.
They save every nickel, spend every dime.
They kill a butterfly, admire a honeysuckle.
Annoyed by a cat's mewing, they enjoy the church bell's chime.
They party hard, and work harder, till they buckle.
They confess, kneel before the Lord, then commit many a crime.
They are actually angels in disguise, yet alarmingly fickle.
Men and women lose a little everyday.
They sob, they whimper, they cry.
But, ultimately, no one ever manages to stay.
Lost among the graves in the graveyard,
Crimes forgotten, good deeds erased from minds,
Just remembered as they who passed away,
They who watched their lives pass them by,
Having walked through life without knowing the way.
Lost - I
The parents living separate lives,
In agony, anger, frustration and misery,
The child is shuttled between two homes,
Allowed to feel no sense of bonding or family.
He's lost in the jungle of a cruel, loveless life.
Clandestine meetings with his father's parents,
Having a weekend visitor, whom he once called "Daddy",
And watching the parents fling hurtful words
At one another, draw blood and kill verbally,
The lost and lonely child shakes his head sadly.
He says, life's not at all for those who love or marry.
In agony, anger, frustration and misery,
The child is shuttled between two homes,
Allowed to feel no sense of bonding or family.
He's lost in the jungle of a cruel, loveless life.
Clandestine meetings with his father's parents,
Having a weekend visitor, whom he once called "Daddy",
And watching the parents fling hurtful words
At one another, draw blood and kill verbally,
The lost and lonely child shakes his head sadly.
He says, life's not at all for those who love or marry.
Lost
Empty corridors
Non existent lore
Echoing silence
Unrelenting vigilance
Suspended in time
No reason no rhyme
Non existent lore
Echoing silence
Unrelenting vigilance
Suspended in time
No reason no rhyme
Surrender
She told him softly, a soft, caressing breeze,
What she wanted, what she fervently desired.
But he burned bright, a steady bonfire,
He tried to come up with smoky reasons
That, he hoped, would cover her wants in a haze.
She threw shrewish tantrums, a forceful, hurtful gale,
She accused him of hurting her, of not caring.
He wasn't ready to put out his ambitions, furiously burning.
She always wanted something, he retorted hotly.
He stood firm like the typical upper-handed male.
And then, her lips quivered; she shed tears, the endless, relentless rain,
Beating down upon him, the poor man who was previously so fiery.
He looked at her, his eyes softening; he was no longer wary.
He embraced her with both arms, accepting her needs as his own,
Male pride strongly put out by the tears of a beautiful woman so vain.
What she wanted, what she fervently desired.
But he burned bright, a steady bonfire,
He tried to come up with smoky reasons
That, he hoped, would cover her wants in a haze.
She threw shrewish tantrums, a forceful, hurtful gale,
She accused him of hurting her, of not caring.
He wasn't ready to put out his ambitions, furiously burning.
She always wanted something, he retorted hotly.
He stood firm like the typical upper-handed male.
And then, her lips quivered; she shed tears, the endless, relentless rain,
Beating down upon him, the poor man who was previously so fiery.
He looked at her, his eyes softening; he was no longer wary.
He embraced her with both arms, accepting her needs as his own,
Male pride strongly put out by the tears of a beautiful woman so vain.
Surrender
Attuned to the nightly croon
Witnessed by the luminous moon
Feelings berserk , thoughts unsaid
Trustingly with you I tread
Amidst nudges and knowing glances
Accompanied by frenzied dances
Bedecked with jewels, clothes so fine
Shyness, Heady like a wine
Forgotten past beholden future
My beauty my charm.. my coaxing allure
For you,
On the virgin bed
With bowed head
In all my splendor
In your arms, I surrender
Witnessed by the luminous moon
Feelings berserk , thoughts unsaid
Trustingly with you I tread
Amidst nudges and knowing glances
Accompanied by frenzied dances
Bedecked with jewels, clothes so fine
Shyness, Heady like a wine
Forgotten past beholden future
My beauty my charm.. my coaxing allure
For you,
On the virgin bed
With bowed head
In all my splendor
In your arms, I surrender
The Desperado
The people who came to where I worked - the Casino -
Were interesting and came in all shapes and sizes.
Wherever in the morning they might go,
In the evening they culminated right there.
They asked for many kinds of things.
Glasses traveled from table to table.
Here the men who win become kings,
The story of each victory becomes a fable.
That's how a desperado's story became.
I've got a very special story to tell you all.
The story of the man whose life was a game,
The man who gambled and won it all.
That beautiful, balmy evening, on duty,
I saw him. His was the perfect poker face.
His smile was mild, his eyes were wary.
He was determinedly winning every race.
His skin was covered with beads of sweat
From all the action and careful winning.
He was narrowly escaping loss and debt.
Who said gambling was sinning?
As orange juice and stronger drinks circulated,
The man seemed to lose himself more and more
To the game. I watched him, fascinated,
As his game touched my very core.
He won that game, and the next too, of course.
And soon, he stretched and yawned, as if
All the gambling and winning for all the hours
Had tired him. From the beer next to him, he took a sip.
Just as he was playing, his eyes met mine.
It was, by then, the middle of the night.
He'd, after all, come here only to play and dine.
Still, I couldn't help, but notice his good looks or his height.
I went about my own business, all the while aware
Of his gaze on me, the smile on his lips.
He hadn't left yet. I wished I could just stand and stare
At his hands slowly playing with the colored chips.
The next time I noticed their game, I saw
He'd lost once or twice. I was surprised;
I heard the roars, the taunts, the guffaws
Of all the players, playing cards and rolling the dice.
Soon, he was caught up in a big mess
And I made worried rounds with my plate
Around his table, pretending business;
I was wondering at the abrupt change of fate.
He never gained more after he'd lost some.
I wondered what had distracted him from his game.
After he'd entered the Casino, had things begun to hum.
I didn't want him to lose; I didn't want him to be tame.
His eyes never left me, though.
And his smile never left him.
My eyes loved to watch him so,
Though I did act almost prim.
Finally, I couldn't bear him losing
Anymore. I kissed the rim of his refilled glass
And took it to him. He knew what I was doing;
And I knew - he was already in love with this lass.
Then how he tamed the game, and made it light
And easy, and how rich we became, are all history.
And I left the Casino, on that beautiful, balmy night,
To join my beloved desperado in blissful matrimony.
And we lived together happily ever after!
Were interesting and came in all shapes and sizes.
Wherever in the morning they might go,
In the evening they culminated right there.
They asked for many kinds of things.
Glasses traveled from table to table.
Here the men who win become kings,
The story of each victory becomes a fable.
That's how a desperado's story became.
I've got a very special story to tell you all.
The story of the man whose life was a game,
The man who gambled and won it all.
That beautiful, balmy evening, on duty,
I saw him. His was the perfect poker face.
His smile was mild, his eyes were wary.
He was determinedly winning every race.
His skin was covered with beads of sweat
From all the action and careful winning.
He was narrowly escaping loss and debt.
Who said gambling was sinning?
As orange juice and stronger drinks circulated,
The man seemed to lose himself more and more
To the game. I watched him, fascinated,
As his game touched my very core.
He won that game, and the next too, of course.
And soon, he stretched and yawned, as if
All the gambling and winning for all the hours
Had tired him. From the beer next to him, he took a sip.
Just as he was playing, his eyes met mine.
It was, by then, the middle of the night.
He'd, after all, come here only to play and dine.
Still, I couldn't help, but notice his good looks or his height.
I went about my own business, all the while aware
Of his gaze on me, the smile on his lips.
He hadn't left yet. I wished I could just stand and stare
At his hands slowly playing with the colored chips.
The next time I noticed their game, I saw
He'd lost once or twice. I was surprised;
I heard the roars, the taunts, the guffaws
Of all the players, playing cards and rolling the dice.
Soon, he was caught up in a big mess
And I made worried rounds with my plate
Around his table, pretending business;
I was wondering at the abrupt change of fate.
He never gained more after he'd lost some.
I wondered what had distracted him from his game.
After he'd entered the Casino, had things begun to hum.
I didn't want him to lose; I didn't want him to be tame.
His eyes never left me, though.
And his smile never left him.
My eyes loved to watch him so,
Though I did act almost prim.
Finally, I couldn't bear him losing
Anymore. I kissed the rim of his refilled glass
And took it to him. He knew what I was doing;
And I knew - he was already in love with this lass.
Then how he tamed the game, and made it light
And easy, and how rich we became, are all history.
And I left the Casino, on that beautiful, balmy night,
To join my beloved desperado in blissful matrimony.
And we lived together happily ever after!
Desperado
Oh Desperado
How long will you run
From reality for fun?
Quit.. Quit this bravado
Oh desperado
Back there you have left
A wee girl so bereft.
How can you be incommunicado?
Its time to face.
Life is not race
Think of that lace
Go back .. go back to that place.
Fighting demons
Of your past.
Do not lose...
Love that will last
Forget.. forget the el durado
Oh desperado...
Quit quit this bravado..
Forget the el durado
How long will you run
From reality for fun?
Quit.. Quit this bravado
Oh desperado
Back there you have left
A wee girl so bereft.
How can you be incommunicado?
Its time to face.
Life is not race
Think of that lace
Go back .. go back to that place.
Fighting demons
Of your past.
Do not lose...
Love that will last
Forget.. forget the el durado
Oh desperado...
Quit quit this bravado..
Forget the el durado
Weathered Charm
Divinity - I didn't quite believe
Till I'd seen it with my own eyes.
I just never did want to leave
The old temple, almost touching the skies.
It was almost dilapidated,
Yet I was drawn to it so.
I loved what I usually hated;
It was so beautiful with lamps aglow.
The pillars were countless in number,
All sturdy, dependable and strong.
The doors were of the finest timber.
The bells rung a solemn ding-dong.
The peace took my heart away,
The silence rocked me gently.
I would love to visit everyday.
Oh, how that would satisfy me!
The very atmosphere hugged me,
Welcomed me with open arms.
It was there, clear, for all to see,
The very place possessed a special charm.
Till I'd seen it with my own eyes.
I just never did want to leave
The old temple, almost touching the skies.
It was almost dilapidated,
Yet I was drawn to it so.
I loved what I usually hated;
It was so beautiful with lamps aglow.
The pillars were countless in number,
All sturdy, dependable and strong.
The doors were of the finest timber.
The bells rung a solemn ding-dong.
The peace took my heart away,
The silence rocked me gently.
I would love to visit everyday.
Oh, how that would satisfy me!
The very atmosphere hugged me,
Welcomed me with open arms.
It was there, clear, for all to see,
The very place possessed a special charm.
Weathered Charm
Countless rivulets
of kindness
Wrinkles...
A jewel that tinkles
A heart of gold.
A smile that holds
many stories untold.
With a child in her arm
bosom.. moist and warm
Ah a weathered charm
of kindness
Wrinkles...
A jewel that tinkles
A heart of gold.
A smile that holds
many stories untold.
With a child in her arm
bosom.. moist and warm
Ah a weathered charm
Insanely Love
She knows of the other woman.
She knows whom he goes to at night.
But still she shares with him her bed,
Her life. Oh, don't you feel sorry for her plight?
She knows he loves the other woman.
He probably loves her, too, in his own wild way.
The hope exists. Worse, she still waits.
She knows he belongs to her only for the day.
She has the power to burn him down.
She knows she does. But there is love.
And where there is love, there's pain.
She is obsessed with him, and how!
She knows he will never belong to her
Fully, completely. But there's consolation.
He doesn't belong to the other woman, either,
She knows. Therein lies her satisfaction.
So she lives on. She waits for him to come to her.
Her mornings are for him. She loves him,
Clothes herself with him. Oh, the insanely way
In which she adores him, till the light goes dim.
Then it is time for the other woman to take over.
Pain in her heart, and tears in her eyes,
She leaves him. Oh, the game of hide and seek
The sun, the cloud and the moon play in the skies!
She knows whom he goes to at night.
But still she shares with him her bed,
Her life. Oh, don't you feel sorry for her plight?
She knows he loves the other woman.
He probably loves her, too, in his own wild way.
The hope exists. Worse, she still waits.
She knows he belongs to her only for the day.
She has the power to burn him down.
She knows she does. But there is love.
And where there is love, there's pain.
She is obsessed with him, and how!
She knows he will never belong to her
Fully, completely. But there's consolation.
He doesn't belong to the other woman, either,
She knows. Therein lies her satisfaction.
So she lives on. She waits for him to come to her.
Her mornings are for him. She loves him,
Clothes herself with him. Oh, the insanely way
In which she adores him, till the light goes dim.
Then it is time for the other woman to take over.
Pain in her heart, and tears in her eyes,
She leaves him. Oh, the game of hide and seek
The sun, the cloud and the moon play in the skies!
Insanely Love
"Dont come near me
Can't u see?
you will burn
Shun me shun!"
Flame said.
"Embrace me hon
Feel the need
Gimme the fatal kiss..
Feel the bliss"
Said the moth.
"Insanely love you've got
i cant do it i love u a lot
How can i think of the effect
When nothing of you will be left"
Flame wailed.
"Nah dear dont b sad
There r many more "moths" to be had
I wont disappear but in you
This is my love.. this is my due"
Moth persisted.
"If that is your wish, come on be with me
Let my fate
Be to wait.. to b lonely
You will get your glory..
coz you see
With you.. in love I happen to be.."
Flame said with arms wide open.
Insanely love..
Or limitless love.
I do not know
All I see is a writing moth
In arms of flame caught.
Can't u see?
you will burn
Shun me shun!"
Flame said.
"Embrace me hon
Feel the need
Gimme the fatal kiss..
Feel the bliss"
Said the moth.
"Insanely love you've got
i cant do it i love u a lot
How can i think of the effect
When nothing of you will be left"
Flame wailed.
"Nah dear dont b sad
There r many more "moths" to be had
I wont disappear but in you
This is my love.. this is my due"
Moth persisted.
"If that is your wish, come on be with me
Let my fate
Be to wait.. to b lonely
You will get your glory..
coz you see
With you.. in love I happen to be.."
Flame said with arms wide open.
Insanely love..
Or limitless love.
I do not know
All I see is a writing moth
In arms of flame caught.
Afterglow - II
The evening, soft and glowing,
Brings me outside our home.
As the time endlessly ticks by,
Minute by special minute,
I know I should share the beauty
And I beckoned him to come.
Dusk, beautiful and dim,
Now clothes the plains.
As the yellow-orange light
Illuminates our home, our garden,
We realize we're forgetting our sorrows,
All our worries and pains.
Sunset, brilliant and breathtaking,
Now descends on us both.
As the sun slowly disappears,
Beneath the invisible straight line,
We watch, together, the sea,
The foam and the froth.
The evening, now dark and cold,
Stretches into the night.
As we make love, slowly, languorously,
And as the golden sunset covers us both
With its tender blanket, its loving wings,
Everything is just perfectly right.
The stars, glittering and dazzling,
Fill the blue-black sky above.
As we stretch, lazy and smiling,
The stars' silver glow illuminates us.
I see in his eyes a new, glowing myself -
Not 'cause of the stars, but with love.
Brings me outside our home.
As the time endlessly ticks by,
Minute by special minute,
I know I should share the beauty
And I beckoned him to come.
Dusk, beautiful and dim,
Now clothes the plains.
As the yellow-orange light
Illuminates our home, our garden,
We realize we're forgetting our sorrows,
All our worries and pains.
Sunset, brilliant and breathtaking,
Now descends on us both.
As the sun slowly disappears,
Beneath the invisible straight line,
We watch, together, the sea,
The foam and the froth.
The evening, now dark and cold,
Stretches into the night.
As we make love, slowly, languorously,
And as the golden sunset covers us both
With its tender blanket, its loving wings,
Everything is just perfectly right.
The stars, glittering and dazzling,
Fill the blue-black sky above.
As we stretch, lazy and smiling,
The stars' silver glow illuminates us.
I see in his eyes a new, glowing myself -
Not 'cause of the stars, but with love.
Afterglow - I
After all is said and done, -
And the doing part was great fun! -
He's sleeping, breathing evenly,
His arms hugging and holding me
In a warm, loving embrace.
I look at his dear, beloved face.
And when he opens his eyes,
And looks at me, clear and nice,
I know what, on me, he's seeing,
It's lovemaking's special feeling.
Now, why he means so much to me, I really know -
'Cause he's always given me a wonderfully special glow.
And the doing part was great fun! -
He's sleeping, breathing evenly,
His arms hugging and holding me
In a warm, loving embrace.
I look at his dear, beloved face.
And when he opens his eyes,
And looks at me, clear and nice,
I know what, on me, he's seeing,
It's lovemaking's special feeling.
Now, why he means so much to me, I really know -
'Cause he's always given me a wonderfully special glow.
Afterglow
Golden hue, birds few
Passion replete
Deep blush, Feelings rush
In the afterglow
Languid and mellow
Passion replete
Deep blush, Feelings rush
In the afterglow
Languid and mellow
Broken Dreams
The little child who didn't get the toy she asked for.
The slightly bigger girl who watched her bicycle
Being sold, right before her tear-filled eyes.
The young, innocent girl who felt constantly out of place
In a world that was just a wee bit too fickle.
The girl who couldn't make too many friends,
And just couldn't belong anywhere. The girl who could never
Please her father even if she tried too hard.
The girl who let go of her dreams of becoming Daddy's
Little girl, knowing they wouldn't come true, ever.
The girl who didn't get the marks she deserved.
The girl who did not study what she really wanted to.
The girl who watched her talents go unrecognized.
The girl who was never loved back by the one man
She loved with all her heart, like all romantic teenagers do.
As I kept turning the pages of my photo album,
I could clearly see the changes I'd gone through.
The same girl, sitting and watching the filmstrip
Of her life moving before her eyes. The album was only
A collection of my broken dreams, only too well I knew.
The slightly bigger girl who watched her bicycle
Being sold, right before her tear-filled eyes.
The young, innocent girl who felt constantly out of place
In a world that was just a wee bit too fickle.
The girl who couldn't make too many friends,
And just couldn't belong anywhere. The girl who could never
Please her father even if she tried too hard.
The girl who let go of her dreams of becoming Daddy's
Little girl, knowing they wouldn't come true, ever.
The girl who didn't get the marks she deserved.
The girl who did not study what she really wanted to.
The girl who watched her talents go unrecognized.
The girl who was never loved back by the one man
She loved with all her heart, like all romantic teenagers do.
As I kept turning the pages of my photo album,
I could clearly see the changes I'd gone through.
The same girl, sitting and watching the filmstrip
Of her life moving before her eyes. The album was only
A collection of my broken dreams, only too well I knew.
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